Fill Your Tank With Confidence

In the past, you may have hidden your dreams and passions to fit in and be accepted. But now is the time to break free from those limitations and thrive. Embrace your true self and build a new relationship with any feelings of unworthiness. This is the start of a new, exciting chapter in your life story.

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Transcript

Debra Jones: Welcome to Own the Grey, a podcast to dispel the notion that aging is undesirable and setting new positive attitudes. I'm Debra Jones and I believe you can be vibrant and healthy throughout the best years of your life. Colin Kingsmill is a rapid transformational coach, teaching entrepreneurs, ceos and founders how to unblock themselves to achieve their highest potential. With a master's in business admin and a decade in swiss banking, he checked every box of the modern western success standards. But he wasn't satisfied. Something was missing. So he chose to make a radical reset by giving away all his possessions to write a new chapter in his book of life and create a better future for himself. And he did. He now coaches and mentors others to create better futures, guiding them through fear of radical change to make a meaningful shift in the work that they do. Like me, Colin is on a mission to help people remember who they are and discover who they will be on their journey to make the world a better place. Welcome to Own the Grey, Colin.

Colin Kingsmill: It is so cool to be here. Thank you so much for that great introduction. I love it. I was listening going, who's this person? Sounds kind of cool. I want to talk to him.

Debra Jones: Well, so do I. Yeah, like you, I've been on a mission to empower people through healing mental and emotional blocks that prevent them from being true to themselves and their purpose. And what I'm finding is that the worthiness piece comes up time and time again and it's sabotaging our efforts to get ahead and transform into who we're supposed to be. And so my first question is, why do you think that happens? Why do you think we hinder our own progress?

Colin Kingsmill: I think it all comes from early childhood development, or certainly adolescence and youth, because we are brought up, at least here in the west, right, in Canada and the US and Europe, places like that. We're brought up with a whole bunch of structures and a whole bunch of paradigms that we're supposed to follow, that we're supposed to believe in. That the definition of success is outside of you, that the definition of worth is a certain amount in the bank or material possessions. For you to be accepted by others, you have to have a whole series of things and accomplishments and studies. And the list is long, right? And it gets fed to us from the very start. I really do think it's our cultural, educational, societal system that focuses on things that drive us to get to a destination or we don't feel whole even from the beginning. And I think that's the problem. Is that we're not taught that we are already perfect. And it just amplifies as you get older and older. Right. So you're in elementary school, and if you don't have the right lunchbox or the right clothes or now, I guess, the right social media and the right phone, you're ostracized. Right. If you're in university and you're taking courses that aren't sort of directly related to business or sort of financial outcomes, you're looked down upon. You get into the workforce or not or the work world or kind of adulthood, and there's all these pressures on you, on us. And I really think it's a derivative of how society has kind of allowed the corporation to take over. And I'm not sort of anti capitalist at all, but somewhere along the way, we lost ourselves, and it's created this wound. There's a great teacher called Ajashanti who has a book that's called The Core Wound of Unworthiness. Right. And he dives into this that we all get wounded to some degree by that pressure.

Debra Jones: Expectations.

Colin Kingsmill: Yeah. And we carry it forward sometimes our whole life. Right.

Debra Jones: Yeah. That's what I'm noticing, is that some of us have an understanding of our wounds. We've been doing work in trying to heal that, and I think that's many of us, at least the ones that cross my path. That's what I hear. But it's like it's so woven into our whole being that it's like a tripwire. Like, it trips us up each time. And I wonder, what have you found? Because you've done your own healing, too. It's a constant journey, isn't it? But what is that unworthiness? And where does that negative self talk? What can we do? How do we recognize it? What can you share?

Colin Kingsmill: I mean, the last part of your question, I think, is the most important. Right. It's that recognition, recognizing that you do have this core wound of unworthiness. Or, I don't know about you, but I'm hearing a lot about Stockholm syndrome, at least in the workplace, that I am fake. I shouldn't be here. I don't deserve this role. I'm not right for this role. They put me here by mistake. I can't live up to the expectations. Yeah. Impostor syndrome. And I really do think that the recognition element is so challenging because when we feel off or when we don't feel right or sort of when the symptoms of unworthiness start to show up and they show up in things like, not being able to set boundaries or saying yes all the time when you need to say no. I mean, the list goes on and on, right? But we're kind of told that, well, just take an antidepressant or just take an antianxiety or just turn to alcohol or just turn to drugs or turn to the coping mechanism du jour, right? Whatever you want. I see this kind of uprising in spirituality and uptake in mindfulness and awareness and things like that. But the problem, I think, really, is we're not even allowed to recognize where it came from, the origin story. Right? Where is the origin story to that unworthiness feeling? Where does that come from? That's why in my work, I call it deconstruct to reconstruct. Right? It's like, where is this behavior that's manifesting, right. That's not serving you? Where is it coming? You know, Debra, so often it's like, maybe you see this as well with the people that you work with a little bit after you start to dive into that question, right? Where's the origin story? People find it. They're like, oh, nine years old. Dad treated me this way, or mom treated me that way, or there was a divorce, or there was this, or there was that. Or I was bullied at school, or I was different, or I had dysmorphia, whatever. It's so fascinating how we, as humans, there's like a tipping point or a fracture that can happen in a conversation, right? And you're like, where's that from? What are you doing right now? And it's like, oh, no, that's from me being a nine year old, having to save the family and keep everything normalized because my parents were slightly crazy. Or there was alcohol, who knows, right? Or physical or mental abuse or things like that. So I think the problem is kind of twofold. It's like small t trauma happens, creates a lifetime of unworthiness. But then when you're like, oh, what's going on? It's like, I'll take a pill. It's like a two step hell almost, right? That we're not teaching people, we're not guiding people, we're not helping people. It's happening more and more, thankfully. But even, like, Gabor Mate with his book The Myth of Normal, which is like he's saying, this isn't normal. There's an origin story. There's trauma here. Let's address it. Let's address it before it manifests in you, right? Because so often it's manifesting in our heads. But then it goes into your body, your body exactly as disease. But I don't know if I answered your question, but yeah, you did.

Debra Jones: Well, what I was taken away from what you've just said, and I think this might be the problem, is to be able to reach those core wounds. What you had said, I agree with, is that we actually do know where we were wounded and it's not having a safe place to be able to do that. Inner work, I think might be the problem, which is why we're not addressing it on such a large scale. In humanity. There's people that have found a therapist or found a trusted person to talk to that has the skill to be able to help them through this. Because it is process, isn't it?

Colin Kingsmill: Sure. I would debate the assumption or the assertion that we know, because I didn't know. For the longest time, I didn't know it was there until I was given a gift of letter last year. I mean, literally less than twelve months ago, I was given a package of letters that were never intended for me. They were written from my mother to her best friend at a time in my life that I actually didn't remember. I remember sort of idyllically growing up in the Okanagan, an orchard, and it was really fairytale land with dogs and animals. But until I read those letters, I didn't realize that I had locked it away. That the trauma that happened in those early years for about ten years, I guess. I think it's almost like prior to getting help, we need to be given permission to go there and to. I'm not articulating this well, but I think it would be really good if people today are navigating the world that we live in and they don't feel quite right, or there's something quite off, or they're not performing to their maximum potential, or they have fears about a certain thing or boundary setting or things like that. I guess my message is, recognize that those are signals and signs of something you need to go back and look at, because a lot of people will be in that sort of situation. Maybe they're being antisocial at work and they don't want to connect with their colleagues. And we normalize that, right? We normalize not being okay and not being brilliant and not being fabulous and not feeling great. We normalize that you're supposed to be stressed out all the time, or it's okay to be antisocial. We normalize all that stuff. Yeah, it's like a radar signal going, hey, something's wrong.

Debra Jones: Wake up.

Colin Kingsmill: Listen to me. Right?

Debra Jones: Yeah. So then in your coaching practice, you call it whole human coaching. Maybe explain to us how do you address a situation like that?

Colin Kingsmill: Sure. And we called it whole human coaching because we thought that modern coaching, or coaching as it stands today, life coaching, performance coaching, leadership coaching, all the taglines that we've got, doesn't necessarily address the whole human in us. So as a coach, you are supposed to go down a very tight line of no judgment, no guidance. Don't do this. Don't say this. Follow a model, adhere to the International coach Federation rules, and allow your clients to get to their destination on their own. We didn't think that was right anymore. Yes, those are great models and great tools, but that's kind of the foundation. So what whole human coaching does is it takes the baseline and we will add in advice or ideas or mentorship or presentation, skill work or confidence working. I'll call you out. Right. If I see that there's something around nutrition that's not working, I'm going to refer you to a nutritionist. Or if I see that there is an addiction that's not being addressed, I'm going to call it out. Or if I see that there's trauma and loss that needs to be looked at before you can move forward and excel and thrive, then I'll send you to a trauma and loss therapist. So that's really what I mean by whole human coaching is let's look at you, not just in this sort of thin slice of why you came to us or why you came to Kaylo.

Debra Jones: A Silo.

Colin Kingsmill: Yeah, that's right. That's a good word. It's a silo that I don't like to pigeonhole people into those silos because I think we're much more complex than a silo. We're much more complex than just if somebody comes to me for professional executive coaching, I can't stay just within the lane, right. Of we're just going to talk about work. We're not just that, we're much more.

Debra Jones: One of the podcasts I listened to, you talked about the medical system and the doctors and that they have to choose between - was it 40 different subjects or something?

Colin Kingsmill: Yeah. At least in the US, there are 41 different specialties for medicine and for medical students. So once you're in the system and once you've decided which of the 41 pieces of the body that you are looking at, you really don't go outside the silo box. Right? The silo, the box, the specialty. And I think it was Kaylee means actually the whistleblower from Coca Cola who told me about that and how his sister was a doctor at Stanford, very specialized. I think it was in throat, something related to the throat and throat and neck. And she recognized that one of the patients on her surgery table was with her only six or twelve months earlier. So she had this enlightening moment, like, why is this person back? Right. And the person was back on the operating table because her medical system only looked at that very small, tiny, bite sized silo. And I thought that was so poignant. And you see it all over the place, right. Even in our canadian medical system, where we're not looked at as whole humans and we're not looked at. And this is why I love working with Kaylo so much. We're not looked at from ancient wisdom, naturopathy, natural medicine, modern science. Nobody does that, right. Nobody looks at you in that broader spectrum. And I think that's so essential today. And I think the statistics around disease and mental health are kind of screaming out that we need a different approach.

Debra Jones: A different approach, yeah. So what is Kaylo?

Colin Kingsmill: Kaylo is a platform for health, healing and transformation. It is founded by a fellow Canadian, Natalie Monk. And because of her 20 year journey within the medical system, in and out of hospitals around the world, she recognized this need for a much more holistic look, a holistic approach to health and healing and transformation. So what they do there, or what we do at ko gosh, I'm a practitioner there too, is really bridge that world of ancient wisdom, natural medicine, modern science, and looks at situations, whether it's men's health or fertility or any of the subject matters that we dive into, looks at things much more might be if somebody's on a journey, there might be a session on qigong, there might be a session on energy work, there might be a session with a naturopath, but then there's a session with a medical doctor telling you about the vagus nerve and how the mechanics work. Right. So it's just really expanding how we look at health and how important it is to become your own teacher as opposed to just the patient. Right. And relying on a certain category, one of the 41 categories, to take care of you.

Debra Jones: Right.

Colin Kingsmill: So it's more take care of yourself and look at old and new modalities from around the world.

Debra Jones: So, Colin, what really lights you up the most about the work you do? What do you really get fired up about?

Colin Kingsmill: I really get fired up when people have that aha. Moment and recognize who they really are and why they're here and what their purpose is and what they're going to do next. So that really is, like, the fuel to my fire, if you like, because I. There's just nothing better. Like, there's no drug that you can take that's better than working with someone and unleashing their true potential. Right. Or having them, allowing them to break out of the cage that they've been in. So it's pure selfish endorphin and dopamine rush that gets me to the table every day.

Debra Jones: I know exactly what you're talking about because that's exactly what I experience in my day, too. And I don't call it work. It's certainly not work. It's a lot more fun than that. We're coming from the same place as far as what fires us up. Helping people and helping them discover who they are. How do you help people discover who they are?

Colin Kingsmill: I can really see people and see their struggle, probably because I've been through it myself, right. I've been through the ups and the downs, and I've lived around the world, and I've been all over the map, right, from bankruptcy to super jets and super yachts and private jets. So I have this ability, I guess, to see you to take down the mask. Right. Only because I've been there and done it before. Right. That's why I'm saying it's like I was you. I was doing that. I know what that I recognize that for me, it's really about very quickly getting to the real subject matter. And maybe you see this, too. So often there's lots of distraction in conversations, in healing. Certainly healing and transformative work and empowerment. I listen precisely to words because I think our clients tell us things that they might not think they're telling us. Right. So for me, it's. What's the story? What is the language? What are you really trying to say? Who's in there hiding? And often it's like a child, right. It's somebody trapped behind the Mask. So I guess it's really about breaking that mask, going behind the wall in a very kind and gentle way. Right. These are not easy moments or times to go through when you are figuring things out.

Debra Jones: It's hurting. Yeah. And wounded. Exactly.

Colin Kingsmill: Yeah. It's mask language, kindness. I guess that's kind of a cool recipe. I need to write that.

Debra Jones: It is. Well, I totally agree with you about having had certain experiences. The way I see it and the way I share it with my students also, is that our experiences and what we have gone through and out the other side of it, that ends up being our medicine to share with others. So because we know it from such a deep level, we can recognize it in others, we can hear it in the language, we can see it with the mask. So we kind of know because we've experienced it. I think that's a big part of it. And so we all have had experiences. And as far as the small t traumas, so sort of the everyday traumas, if you will, we've all had them. And sometimes they stick around, right? As you said, sometimes they can even get into your body. And that's when we use body work and energy work to kind of weed it out and heal it. That way you've gone through your healing journey. One thing that I was curious about when I read your story about having had it all, and I have heard this before, is that it's not enough. It's not about the money. It's our society that has told us the big fat lie that that's what it's all about. And I know you touch on this a little bit about our shared humanity. Maybe you want to elaborate a little bit about what that is with reference to how it plays a part in that.

Colin Kingsmill: Oh, that's such an interesting question. Well, first of all, I think at least in the west, the modern, wealthy west, I think we've forgotten about our humanity, right? Who we are. And what I mean by that is turning a blind eye to things like homelessness or drug addiction or mental disease or mental illness. All of the things that you and I see on the streets in Canada every day that just aren't right. So that's what I mean by I think we've lost our connection to who we really are. We're just these beings on this little rock that's spinning at 1600, its axis through a galaxy that we don't know anything about or little. And yet we get so consumed by. Consumed by consumption, and we forget about our next door neighbor, and we forget about community, and we forget about family, and we forget about connectivity and how important all of those things are. And again, I'll cite mental health statistics, at least in the United States, and certainly here in Canada, too, are symptomatic of that lost humanity, of the fact that health care is not healthcare, it is health industry. Right? It is a profit industry. And again, I'm not saying we should all turn into communists and live on a commune, but I think there needs to be something next. Like, where are we going now? Right? What is the next step? On this planet, there's 8 billion of us. What are we going to do about it? So that's my sort of call to remember our collective humanity. And I think the problem with this idea of success or wealth creation or abundance is a derivative of that. That at least in the last 50 to 70 years, 50 to 100 years, I guess we got so caught up in the model that we forget and have forgotten and continue to forget what really matters. And you see that all over the place. I probably don't want to go there, but you see it in wars and crime and crimes against humanity and against children. And I think when you're somebody like me, when you're 20 and striving to get it all and have it all and be all of it, the message or the teaching or the assumption and the way of being is that all those external things will fulfill you. Right? So my message is they don't other things fulfill you, and they are connected and related to our shared humanity. I mean, there's such beautiful examples of humanity happening every day. Unfortunately, they don't get broadcast, really on the news.

Debra Jones: Not on the mainstream media, that's for sure.

Colin Kingsmill: Yeah. No, because that's just a product, right? That you're being sold. Yeah. I don't know if I answered your question, but I do think that we get taught to strive for something that is external when it should be internal. And in that process, that search for external gratification, we lose touch with ourselves, we lose touch with our neighbors, we lose touch with our local community, with our town, with our city and with the world. And look, you can be the CEO of a corporation and still get that, right? I'm not saying we all need to be singing Kumbaya and sitting in a field doing yoga. No, not at all. But let's work together on positive transformation.

Debra Jones: Yeah. I have a theory that the outside chaos is simply a reflection of our inside chaos, and so that we only have the ability to affect ourselves. But we can affect the outside world by working and changing and healing what's going on within us. So that when we are at peace with ourself and we're not fearful and we are living our potential, I believe then that mirrors out in the world around us. What do you think?

Colin Kingsmill: Oh, I am 110% in agreement with you. I think everything is related to your internal climate, your internal biology, your internal world. Right. And that's why I think things like climate change, for example, I think it's much more useful to focus on you, what you're doing. Are you healing. Are you contributing as opposed to throwing soup on another painting. Right. Or blocking traffic? It's like, heal yourself. And this is what Kaylo does. Right? That's what we do at Kaylo. It's like, go back to you. Heal yourself, heal your biology, heal your ecology, and you will heal the world. I totally agree with you. It starts right here in your living room or wherever you're listening. It starts with you. And I don't mean go out and become a super recycler. Heal you. And the rest will follow.

Debra Jones: Yeah.

Colin Kingsmill: Because I do believe in that ripple effect and that, like, throw a pebble in a pond, right?

Debra Jones: Yeah. It's going to affect everything. It's like that. The butterfly effect. Right. So one little move here makes a move on the other side of the world because you wrote a book. You're writing a book. Tell us what the purpose of writing the book first, and maybe a little bit what's in it.

Colin Kingsmill: Sure. The purpose was, and still is, I have been on an incredible journey through life, and it's taken me. I'm 56 in how many days? And it's taken me a lifetime. Thank you. It's taken me a lifetime to get to this place. It's kind of just like a guide to say, hey, doesn't have to take you 40 years. Let's get you there faster. Because if you get there faster than it took me, what are the possibilities? Right? They're limitless. So my whole goal is just to make you limitless, fearless, fierce. Much faster than it took me. The first iteration of the book was, this is my story. This is my life. This was my journey. And these are the ups and downs. This is what I did. And my editor said, just cut it down to, what are the steps? I had ten steps. I've narrowed them down to eight. The first step is stop absorbing negativity. What do I mean by that? I really mean, turn off the news, turn off toxic friends, turn off toxic people, toxic work, all those things. You need to put a perimeter around you. I call it. It's like an energy perimeter. It's like a kryptonite. Call it whatever you want, whatever reference you want, but set a boundary. Right? Set a wall, not the kind of wall that we're used to, where you don't talk to people and you hide behind it, but it's protection against negativity. Right? And the news, and especially mainstream media these days, is designed to keep you in that state. Right. It's like eating a box of chocolate. At least if you're going to do it. Know what you're doing. Be aware. I'm all for chocolates. And if you want to watch a bit of news and have a debate about left and right and good and bad, cool, do it. But step one is stop absorbing. Step two is listen to yourself. Our body is always sending us messages, always sending us information, and we don't listen. There was that great book, it's 20 years old now by Gabor Mate, again, called When the Body says No. So turn off the negativity, start to listen to yourself, then design the new you. And I literally mean like a picture. What is your life going to look like when you are fearless? Right. I use vision boards. I mean, I know they're hokey pokey to some people, but there's a process. And Mel Robbins actually did a really good episode on goal setting. Yes.

Debra Jones: And I listened to that because I heard you talk about that.

Colin Kingsmill: Wasn't it so good?

Debra Jones: Awesome. I'm going to put a link to. Yeah.

Colin Kingsmill: Right. So for me, it's about perimeter wall. For the negativity, it's listen to your body paint a new picture. Once you know what that looks like, break it all down. Right. Goal setting. And then the next step is really setting daily rituals to stay on track. Right. Because I'd have my goals and objectives and blah, blah, blah. Right. But then I wouldn't have anything to remind myself every day about them. Right. So I would really quickly go off peace. Right. So it's get daily rituals and that might be a yoga session, it might be meditation, it might be a bike ride, whatever it is, it might be post its on your laptop or. But. And the last two steps are, they're kind of connected, but forget what others think. And there's another great reference that you might want to include is Martha Beck a couple of years ago wrote a great book called The Way of Integrity.

Debra Jones: Yep.

Colin Kingsmill: So good. She uses Dante's Inferno as a metaphor. The idea there is that if you live in integrity, you really don't worry about what others think. And my last tip is really forget what you've learned. And what I mean by that is forget about the conditioning that is no longer serving you. So when I say forget about what you learned, I also mean forget about what you're telling yourself. Right. So that's where the sort of deconstruct to reconstruct idea comes in, where let's look at the conditioning that's happened. Let's look at the storytelling that you're telling yourself. What are the self limiting beliefs what's working, what's not working, what's filling your fuel tank? What's not. I love to use these metaphors of fuel and engines. I don't know why. Maybe I liked cars as a child, but this idea of, is it filling your fuel tank? Right? Or is it not? The other metaphor that I love to use is, how many lenses have you got in front of you that are clouding your vision of what you're trying to do? So, you know when you go to the optician and they're like, is this better? Is that better? But we do that with the stories and the narratives and the belief systems that we've got in our heads. So I'm just saying, let's look at all of those lenses and remove the ones that aren't serving you today. And that's kind of the book.

Debra Jones: I like it. Is it, like, a workbook, or is it something that you've got some exercises in there?

Colin Kingsmill: That's a good question. Actually, it hasn't been a workbook, but I think it needs to be a workbook. And that's why my editor was like. She's like, I don't think you need to tell your whole story of this and that and the ups and downs and how you became fearless. She's like, talk about it on a podcast or something like that. But I do think it should become a workbook, actually.

Debra Jones: I think it would be really useful. It's sort of part of that. One of your keys there, which is the daily ritual. So you're actually putting your daily ritual key into a daily ritual within your book. I think it would be really cool. But what I'm seeing with my clients is people are ready to make the changes, but they don't know what to do next, and they need someone to say, do this right, and it just maybe just starts the ball rolling, even if it's just one question to answer before you move on. That's kind of what I did in my book, is I called it pause to just kind of answer that question for yourself before you keep reading. But I find that when people are inspired by what you've been sharing, they need to relate it to themselves somehow so that it means something. Right. So, just an idea?

Colin Kingsmill: Yeah. No, I think it's a great idea. I love it, actually.

Debra Jones: I can't wait to see what you.

Colin Kingsmill: Actually come up with. Finally. I'll keep you. But I think a workbook would be good because it does take work. Right. Like, we are bombarded every day, even as sort of conscious awakening adults. Right. We're bombarded every day with so many externalities that you almost do need a workbook, like a daily guide to protect yourself against all this stuff that's coming at you. And especially if you're sort of over 50 and have decided that you're going to have a new career or start something new or make a big change or make a transition. We're bombarded with stories that don't contribute to that process or detract from it. Right.

Debra Jones: And we need to know where to start. At least start the process, and it can go in different directions. You might discover that, hey, this is deeper than I can go myself. So maybe to seek out someone like you or someone like me to help along the journey, or we might be, you know what? I'm going to do this. I'm going to change my life. And that's basically what you did. You said you sold just about everything you had and just started afresh. And I know some people that have done that, and it's not as awful as it might sound to some people because it's only stuff, isn't it?

Colin Kingsmill: Yeah. But the problem is, the challenge is that we are taught to identify ourselves in that stuff, right? So you identify yourself in that position or in that career or in that process or in that journey or with that house or with that destination or place or kids or whatever, we are taught to identify ourselves with all of these things around us, right. That we can grab onto. It's like, okay, there we go. So it's scary. I get it when you're like, oh, my God, what am I going to do now? Where do I start? And I don't think you have to necessarily start by giving everything away and giving your watches to your cleaning lady. And anyway, I gave everything away, but I don't think you have to be that radical. And that's, again, that's kind of my story or the book that I'm working on is that you don't have to go through the washing machine that I went through, that I did to myself. It can be gentler, it can be softer, it can be easier, but it does require daily work because of the circumstances that we find ourselves in. So, yeah, I think I went off pieced again from your question. I'm sorry.

Debra Jones: It's all good. It's all good. So if you were to share with us, once your book is baked and out there and just the way you want it to be, what are you hoping the book is going to do?

Colin Kingsmill: I would really love to create a movement. A movement of fearlessness. Yeah, I'd love that. I'd love to create a movement. I would love to get everybody fired up and recharged and have their batteries full to see what we can do, to see how powerful we can actually be, to see what we can really change and transform and bring to this planet, and to be stronger together by being fearless. What are the possibilities? They're really unlimited.

Debra Jones: This episode of Own The Grey is brought to you by. I AM. Discover your unique talents, realize your potential, and align to your path. Take the first step to uncover your life purpose by visiting www.DebraJones.ca/courses